The not so good news…

I’m gonna keep this one short and sweet, I’ve held of posting it while I had chance to let as many people as possible know in person but I think the time is now right to publicly post it.
At the end of last week I had a discussion with the doctor in St. Leonards, a very frank and honest chat. They believe that from what they’ve seen of my time in there – and the deterioration they’ve witnessed they think I only have weeks remaining.
Personally, I feel great for the most part. Yes my legs are swollen and leaking water all over the place like a B movie monster and I can’t actually walk anymore on them. But otherwise, physically, I’m largely ok.
Mentally… it’s a hit. a real fucking blow. Just now I’m managing to delude myself that I’ll beat that prediction just as I did the 1 year one and that I’ll have a good few month left in me yet. I have to think that way there’s no way I can accept that in a few weeks I won’t be here… I don’t wanna go that easy.
Saying that, I’m all setup now with a “do not resuscitate” form thingy so when I do pass… they’ll just let me peacefully rather than trying to bring me back and traumatizing everybody and I’ve started making some plans I perhaps should have along time ago.
The current plan is to get me home on Friday, I’m having a hospital bed delivered along with several other essential bits of equipment to help me get around. My hospice bed is gonna be reserved for 48 hours for me just in case it doesn’t work out at home, if things are to difficult or anything then I can come back.
Hopefully, I’ll have a good few more blog posts to come… like I said, I don’t want to go out easy… I need at least another month or two.
If not though, thankyou to everybody who has taken the time to read my blog, follow my journey and support my fundraising. You have all been amazing, Don’t let it end, please keep my story shared for others and please keep the fundraising going.

Thankyou.

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